Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
There are leaves in my underwear?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
