I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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