the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
