xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
