I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
