I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize