My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
