Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Buhtt sex?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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