I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
