I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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