Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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