It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
