I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Then you guys just all showered together...?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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