I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
