College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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