John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
