therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
