I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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