i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I checked into jail on foursquare
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
