You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
