I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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