Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
