Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
