life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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