i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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