Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
