I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
