Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
We are all done wearing pants today
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
