My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
