could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
