i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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