Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
