I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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