just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
