Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
