I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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