Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
