Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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