What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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