atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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