hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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