Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
