thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
