Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
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Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
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They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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