I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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