I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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