I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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