you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
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Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
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In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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