we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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