your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Who did Billy Mays play for?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Randomize
