I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
