did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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