We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
