I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
