if you like me you must not know who I am
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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