Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
