I want to stick my p in your. b.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?