I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
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Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
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He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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