I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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