Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
