using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
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My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
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Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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