would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Randomize
