he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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