at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
