Plan B is the new Plan A
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
