He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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