and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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