omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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